...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
