I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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