You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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