gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
