My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
