i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
