Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
