life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
