I just saw a hot homeless man
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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