i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
