I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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