mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this boner is exhausting
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
