oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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