I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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