Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
