i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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