You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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