Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
