i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
