Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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