she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
