My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
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There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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