Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
