Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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