what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
