I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
