So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
