i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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