take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's shark week go big or go home
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
