Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
