I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
