Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
