Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
