I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
