Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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