then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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