I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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