I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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