Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
