So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
