she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
