So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
do nipples grow back?
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