I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
