I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
