His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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