sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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