I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
