I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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