Duck Duck Cougar?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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