Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
