I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
