I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The feeling are messing with the penis
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
