normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
