I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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