and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
birth control should be required to get into college
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
