do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
