You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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