she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
