i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Randomize
