hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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