I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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