I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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