i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My liver just broke up with me...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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