You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
