I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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