trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
