You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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