drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
