i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
