oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
