i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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