there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
