just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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