was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
