shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
