before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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