when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
