she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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