my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
